Dustin' off the cobwebs............

6 month recap..........

grab a cuppa and catch up with me ......

June's first weekend was one I will never forget. The Cree princess and I were privileged to attend a weekend of aboriginal awareness, in the beautiful Alberta foothills. We communed with Native Elders, made drums of Elk hide, participated in Smudge and Pipe Ceremonies and slept under the stars ( but only because our cozy little "Hawk" cabin was sadly in need of a new roof)

I promised myself, when the Cree princess came into our lives that I would learn about her heritage, in order to give her pride in her roots. This experience made me hunger for more knowledge of this beautiful, spiritual culture.

My beloved sports boy turned 14 this month, and promptly got his learners permit on his first try.

Thank God for lonely country roads.

The rest of June was a blurr of soccer and baseball and work... lots and lots of work. Every three years my business goes through a 3 day, top to bottom review by the Alberta government who we contract with. Staff and clients are interviewed, files are reviewed... not a stone remains unturned.

And when it was done I breathed a (premature) sigh of relief.

Summer was about to begin...................

July 's much anticipated and earned vacation was interrupted by a call from Revenue Canada..... there was a problem with our payroll remittances and they were going to do an audit.
gulp.

I have a healthy (ok, morbid) fear of the TAXMAN, and I knew that there was no choice but to postpone the vacation and meet with them at their earliest convenience. There would be no sleep until they were through with me. My home office was invaded for 10 hours, calculators and paper flew... and when the dust settled they still owed me the 400 plus dollars that I was stupid enough to overpay them in the first place.
July's highlight was our son's baseball team winning Provincial Gold and although we danced the victory dance together, I secretly was thankful that after 2 and a half months of soccer and ball, there would be no more sports for a while.
August 's long weekend is our traditional ya ya summer retreat, my two forever friends and I have been doing this since our children were in diapers.
I have this poem in a frame on my desk:

Oh, the comfort... the inexpressible comfort

of feeling safe with a person.

Having neither to weigh thought
nor measure words,
but pouring them all right out just as they are,
chaff and grain together,

certain that a faithful hand
will take and sift them,
and keep what is worth keeping
and with a breath of kindness,

blow the rest away.

These words describe what I have with these women , perfectly.

I am blessed.

The next week was spent at the lake, myself, the Cree princess and a gaggle of 14 year old boys.

8 solid days of blissful peace.

I understand why ancient cultures worshipped the sun.

The Cree princess turned 7 this month, a birthday extravaganza with face painting and a yard full of bouncers and bouncing happy children. My daughter owns a bouncer business which keep her busy all summer and makes the Cree Princess the envy of her friends... a garage full of bouncers and water slides.


Next week, they were off to Banff, trail rides and white water rafting. I stayed behind to work.

The week after that, my husband and son were off to Toronto to watch the Blue Jays and Red Sox battle and to visit Niagara Falls.

I stayed behind to work.........

There's a pattern building here.

September and back to school and a striking maturity in my son. He came home from school , pumped with excitement. He had registered for tryouts, arranged transportation and sorted out his schedule to play a new sport. Football. Yes, my 5'7", 110 pound son decided he was football material. Football scares the hell out of me. 4 nights a week he would come home from practice bruised, battered and beaming... and that was just his own team... On the weekends it was other teams doing the bruising and battering. I don't have the stomach for watching my son play football.
October ..... by mid month, football is over and my son survived.... I have a whole year to decide whether he will be allowed to play again, but truthfully I think I've already decided.

October also brought the results of our June review.... a hundred plus page report which resulted in 100% compliance in all areas...... while I outwardly celebrated with my staff, because it is ALL about them, I inwardly felt guilty. My heart has not been in my job for a while now, and I am going through a crisis of sorts... one of those "who am I and who do I want to be?", sort of dilemmas .

It appears to be my season of discontent.

Did I tell you that last year my son quit hockey???? two broken collar bones in two years and he made a decision that he wasn't going to risk having to sit out of life for 6 to 8 weeks. Instead he plays school sports. This month it's volleyball.


November 1st was the anniversary of the day the Cree Princess came into our lives 6 years ago which seems and is eternity. When we were at the Aboriginal Awareness weekend in June, an Elder told me that in Native Culture they believe that the soul chooses who their family will be.......................and I believe this to be true. When we picked her up, and I held her for the first time I gazed into her eyes and there was an instant recognition. Not only did I promise to love her forever, but I knew that I had loved her forever.

Is it mid November already????????? volleyball is done, basketball started yesterday,

and I feel that I have lost myself.....

When I look around, I feel guilt that with all my abundance of family and success I should feel grateful , but I need more. I need me... if I could only figure out who that was and where she went.

As you know, I've been visiting you all, sometimes commenting, sometimes lurking, but all the time missing you.

Missing me.

But fear not, I am in here somewhere, and am beginning to dig myself out.

peace.