"U.S. Drug Enforcement issued a Country Wide Alert today to warn the public of the release of convicted felon Tommy Chong. An unnamed source warned that although Chong had served 9 months in prison,he is considered at high risk to reoffend. There was concern that Chong may try, once again,to sell BONGS on the Internet once he is released.At the time of Chong's arrest in 2004,Drug Enforcement Officials released few details of their 37 year investigation of Chong's deviant lifestle although they expressed great relief at the close of "an extensive investigation"."
O.K., so I embellished the story a little.
Tommy Chong,the Perenial Hippy ,went to jail for 9 Months for trying to sell Bongs on the Internet. You see, he has little Bong Store (It's just gotta be called Chong's Bongs) and the happy little hippy store decided to join the 21st century and sell their inventory over the internet.I first heard about the charges on Leno's monologue. I remember thinking, Ha ha ha... what did Tommy do now? Then I find out he is sentenced to 9 months in jail! FOR CONSPIRING TO SELL A BONG!
This, in the land of Michael Jackson, OJ and Robert Blake? I was speechless but "WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING? and "ARE YOU FLIPPIN KIDDING ME?" came to mind.
Well I didn't catch it if they ran it on Court TV but I imagine it going something like this:
Baliff pokes Mr Chong, who is having a nap at the Defence Table. Baliff whispers something to him, he looks around,smiles and flashes a peace sign to the courtroom audience The baliff whispers something else and he stands. He smiles at the judge.
Chong: How ya doin' man?
Judge: Mr Chong, are you represented by counsel?
Chong: Huh?
Judge: Mr Chong, do you have a lawyer? You are facing some very serious charges here.
Chong: A lawyer? Hey, no way, man, do you know those dudes want 500.00 bucks an hour?All they did was stand around and tell me not to say anything.
Besides, those guys scare me, man.
Judge: Then do I understand correctly? Are you waiving your right to a lawyer?
Chong:Huh?
Judge: Very well then, lets proceed. (Reads lengthy list of felonious offenses)
Chong: Yep, did the first one, second one too, I can't remember that last one dude, but it sounds like fun to me, man,"
Judge: (unitelligeable legal jargon )then: Mr Chong. I find it to be of great concern that you continue to flaunt the laws of this country. You have taken the Internet,one of greatest advancements of our lifetime, and tainted it.I find that you willingly used this Information Highway to corode the very moral fibre of this country for no other reason than to profit from your deviant lifestyle.I hereby sentence you to 9 months in prison.
Hope: Huh?
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4 comments:
Someone must put a stop to the selling of these EEEEVIL bongs. Nine months in prison for selling bongs. 60 days for raping a child (repeatedly) in Vermont. Yep....we're real proud of our justice system here in America. 60 days....that'll teach him.
Canadian Justice? hah! Don't get me started...too late....
let me be in charge for a couple of months!I visited Altcatraz this summer and thought, why would these scum get this nice roof over their head ?Give me a roll of barbed wire and a 1/4 section of good old Canadian wilderness. We gotta a lot of mountains that need to be moved 4 feet to the right.
There's an idea, Hope. We could just exile our criminals to Canada!
Ouch
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