It is obvious by the last post that my love for my children and chosen grandaughter bring out some qualities that I am not particularily proud of. Words paired with anger tend to not deal with the issue at hand, but drag with them past pain, hurts and slights. Which is why I am glad I chose the option of my blog. Thank you all for your understanding and thoughts.
Last night was a rough one for me, sleep would not come, and I realized that although I thought I had forgiven and moved on, I haven't.
I fell in love with my husband all over again as I heard him talk to his mother on the phone last night, making it very ,very clear that the Cree Princess was and always would be , our family. I almost ( but not quite) felt sorry for her with his unrelenting condemnation of her behaviour.
Forgiveness is a tough concept for me, the thing that I struggle with I guess is the letting go. I wrote a comment to liz saying that hating her hurts my heart, and it's true. While MIL went on her merry way, I spent the last day rehearsing the speech I was going to give her and planning my own passive aggresive revenge, (which ,if truth be told ,was rather entertaining for a while) but ended up with a pounding headache, red swollen eyes and a rage that made my stomach hurt. What a waste of time.
So I've got some work to do, not for her benefit, but my own.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
If we practice and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, soon the wholeworld will be blind and toothless.
Mahatma Ghandi
peace, and hugs, right back at ya.
About Me
- Hope
- I am a woman who is content with herself and her life, but believe that each day brings new possibilities and opportunities that I intend to be open to. I am an intuative person who does not always listen to herself.
13 comments:
I would have trouble even considering forgiveness until I saw evidence of change. Then again, I can hold a grudge for a very long time! ;-)
Fun as it was to think of revenge, I'm sure your husband was better off at handling it all. Your MIL would think you a crazy person, but she just may listen to her own son!
Good luck!
That's the thing liz, forgiveness is not about condoning actions.Forgiveness does not mean that I have to tolerate their behaviour, or to be stepped on. It means that I am able to let it go, not dwell on it and move on. Currently I am unable to say I wish them no harm, but those hateful feelings only hurt me, sainthood, apparently, aludes me.
There is much to be said about the saying " The best revenge is living well"
Well, I'll nominate you for sainthood myself if you can manage to forgive even if the same behavior continues.
In our case, it was much easier to forget than forgive. More than 15 years without them (the in-laws) and I've practically forgotten they exist! ;-)
I hear you, and feel the same.But feeling this way doesn't feel right for me. I don't believe forgiveness means forgeting, or allowing people to continue to hurt you, I think it means the ability to release the hard feelings, not allow that person to have ANY impact on your life, kind The space I am in right now,I just feel anger. This post was more about what I need to do for OUR peace of mind, not theirs... I am way beyond that.
Rest assured though, I do believe there are unforgivable acts, and applaud your ability to put garbage where it belongs and happily move on.
I guess it boils down to the fact that I don't like feeling hateful.
It's purely selfish. Reconciliation may be a part of the process, but it sure isn't necessary for me. My husband has made our position perfectly clear so i don't think she'll dare cross our line again, if and when she is given an opporunity.
You are stronger than I, for I cannot forgive. Maybe in time, but not yet.
I am glad you have found a place of healing for yourself.
I just re-read your quote by Ghandi and it occurs to me that there is a gray area between forgiveness and revenge...Indifference.
While forgiveness implies a relationship that matters to you, whether on your end or the other, indifference implies not caring about that relationship and how it goes from here out. There is still a relationship by necessity, but a veiled "not caring" over the whole thing.
Does that make sense?
Forgiveness is an important thing to do, to feel and to offer.
Forgiveness is hard, especially for me. I am a grudge-holder.
It is something I have tried to overcome and am still working on it.
You are right to channel your emotions in other way!
way to go to your husband!
I was going to write a post about this, but here i am in my comment section and this is a good enough place as any.
liz hit it right on the head.
I had a conversation with my daughter about the whole thing. While she is proud of her dad for standing up for her, she explained that her grandma really only hurt her badly once, and that is when "gramma" questioned whether taking on a high risk foster child as a young single woman, would ruin her life and impede her chance of catching a husband.
That really hurt her for a while but she realized that she doesn't very much like her gramma, and really could care less what she thinks. She says that she used to be bugged that gramma wouldn't come but it was more about the importance of family and not the importance of gramma.
She told me to give gramma a break, that in truth she'd rather ignore her than give her a second thought.
OH......
when did my daughter get smarter than me???
see liz's comment. she's dead on.
Phew! I thought I may have overstepped a bit and sort of regretted my comment after I posted it although I still stand by it.
Your daughter sounds like a wonderful woman. Although I am not surprised because you strike me as one as well Hope. Well done!
I'm so behind...commenting late but Hope, I admire you for not beating this woman to death - ha ha
Your daughter does sound like a wonderful woman and I wholeheatedly agree with Liz's comment above.
You've got some great advice her. I have trouble with fogiving and letting go too. MY FIL is a pain at times but I know he would do anything for us.
You got one smart girl there and one beautiful Granddaughter. HUGS
(I'm still in shock over all this)
we also adore our children
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